Christmas eve in India

It doesn't feel like Christmas eve. It's mid 80s here and we have the day off. Because Akka is at home for a few days we can't really go anywhere.

I woke up this morning a little sad that we wouldn't really have a Christmas. 

After breakfast Daniel Minn asked us what the best present we have ever gotten was. For a while i couldn't answer. I love giving gifts. I start Christmas shopping in September because I like to take my time in finding the best gift for the people in my life. I really put effort into finding the perfect present that will touch the heart of the person I am giving it to. A few examples: One of my best friends and I have been friends since new years eve 1999. So we have always said our anniversary is new years eve. On new years 2009 we decided to buy 10th anniversary presents. Yes i know we are special, get passed it. I shopped around for awhile and found this beautiful necklace. She loved it. She said it replaced the one her ex boyfriend gave her. A few Christmases ago I bought my mom her first Coach purse. I still remember her face when she opened it. She was so shocked. She yelled out COACH!!!! I have the pictures to prove it. Two Christmases ago I bought my boyfriend at the time a jersey from the quarter back of his favorite football team, along with a few things I knew he loved. Along with the few scrapbooks I have made my Grandma that make her cry every time.

Receiving gifts isn't one of my love languages, however I do like getting them. I don't really feel like I have ever gotten a gift that felt like there was a lot of thought and effort put into it. *Disclaimer: my mom buys really good gifts but I am usually with her when she buys them for me so does that count?? Although usually her really good gifts are the I love you gifts now Christmas cause she can't wait to give them to us. lol Love you mommy. Anyways, God reminded me of Christmas two years ago. Theres a bit of a back story behind it. As many of you know, my dad past away two years ago. I was never close with his side of the family. Throughout the years i would only see them on Christmas eve. I couldn't tell you all of their names because i never knew them. My dad has seven siblings. I was only close with one of them. His sister Janice, her husband Grant, her son Jeff and his wife Mary Jane. They would come to all my birthdays, my graduation, and we have dinner dates all the time. Sh was the only one I really felt actually loves me on his side of the family. (That has changed over the past two years but thats for a different post) So on the first Christmas with out him she gave me a gift and on the card it said "From auntie Janice, uncle Grant, and your Daddy. It was a China set from Hong Kong. It means so much to me. Not because of what it is even though I love the gift, but because of the meaning behind it. After I shared that Daniel Minn shared about his relationship with his father. It wasn't always good. Before his dad passed away he told Daniel that if he could do life over, he would do family better.

I immediatly started crying. For those of you who don't know, I had a very rocky relationship with my dad. My parents were never married. He never really knew how to show that he loved me. really long story short, it got to the point where I stopped talking to him. After not answering his calls for a month (which was about three calls) he stopped calling. A few weeks later it was my birthday. Now even though I was mad and hurt I still wanted him to call. I'm like an M&M, hard on the outside, soft in the middle. Well he didn't call. Fathers day was a week and a half later. I didn't call him. Yes i could have handled it better, yes i could have not sank down to his level. I should have acted out of love, I know that now. Maybe one day I will share how God healed our relationship and changed my heart towards him, but until then you are just getting the brief overview. 

So on Fathers day he called my Grandma, my uncle and my mom to complain to all of them that I didn't call him. My moms response is one of the MANY reasons I love her so much. She flat out asked him "well did you call her on her birthday?". He said "no". Her response "Why would she call you when you didn't call her on her birthday? You need to be the adult and realize that your daughter is hurting. So what if she didn't answer a few phone calls. You keep calling until she picks up!" All he could say was "Oh". 

Fast forward a year and we haven't spoken at all. I was working one night and was at the emergency room with one of my clients. I received a phone call from a close family friend. He informed me that my dad was given 6 weeks to live. Now I had years of hurt and brokenness towards him. How do I deal with all of it and the fact that he will be passing away soon? Answer: You give it to God. After I got off work I called him. He is not in a god mood. I mean how would you feel if you were just given a month and a half to live. I was mad that he didn't call his only daughter and tell her himself. to sum it all up, God took control of the situation, healed my heart towards my dad, and changed my life forever. 

The one thing that still gets to me is that way I should have loved him. I am good at loving the people in my life. I love well. With that said, before I fully started living a Godly life. As great and passionate as I loved I also hated. If I didn't liek you, you knew it! My dad wasn't perfect, he was a broken human just like the rest of us. My one thing is that I deprived him of my love. I know that hurt him. God has shown me a lot about that. One day I will share it all with you. 

So what I though wasn't going to be a good Christmas eve has turned into a very good one. Merry Christmas from India.